the pillow case

July was one of the hardest months I have ever had. It started with my Dad having another heart attack and open heart surgery. For those of you who have never had a parent sick, I envy you. My dad is my rock, he has always been and always will be. Honestly, until I was 26, I didn't have a true disagreement with him. I honestly have the best Dad ever! The day he had his surgery I was scared. I know God has a plan, I know we don't have a say in that plan, but I wanted one! He came through the surgery fine though, triple bypass surgery. Healthy heart. New arteries. He is good to go. But, when I walked into his room before he woke up, I lost it. There was my dad, on the bed with tubes every where, a tube making him breath, and there he layed. I knew he would be fine, the nurses assured me he would be fine. I didn't feel fine though. There was my rock, laying on a bed, not even able to breath on his own. The next time I saw him it was even harder because he was trying to wake up and his heart rate would get to 125 and they would have to sedate him again. This time I was holding his hand and just looking at him. My mom talked to him and I could see his forhead moving. He could hear her, he knew we were there but he couldn't wake up. That was the hardest moment in my life with my father. I just couldn't get through to myself that the same man that has always been there for me, that has never said a bad thing to me, who is so gentle and loving was laying there like that. He was at a Baptist hospital in Little Rock and the next time I came in he had his "heart pillow". A pillow they give him to hold on to against his chest to help with pain and pressure. On the pillow the nurses put two Bible verses: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil 4:13 and "Trust in the Lord with all your heart" Prov 3:5. I got tears in my eyes again. I told my dad "Phil 4:13 is my verse. That is the verse that I lean on every day. And Prov 3:5, Courtney sings a song of that almost every time we are in the truck." Last week when I visited my Dad, my mom gave me the pillowcase to his heart pillow. Some how that is the most important thing I have from my dad. I love you, Father.