Not Understanding...

Wow, life is difficult. Paul just left for his new job and I'm a wreck! It's been 5 months that he has been looking and this is a wonderful opportunity, but I wish he wouldn't have found it. He is going to be gone 2 weeks at a time and home every other weekend. Yes, I now have joint custody of my husband with his job - and his job won! We are so confused in our hearts right now. Why is God having him leave his family, why isn't there something here, why is this the only way? We don't understand right now, but we both agree that it's where we're supposed to be. At lunch I said to Paul "I'm having a very difficult time with this right now. It isn't making sense to me that you have to leave your family, go stay in a hotel and strange town alone and work while I stay here with the kids, house and our normal life". I asked him why I am more deserving of him for the time with our children. I told him if we both worked he wouldn't have to do this. His answer to me was that he really isn't sure, but he feels that if God wanted us to be doing something else, he would have presented it.

On my way home it was really bothering me; the whole part of being a stay at home mom/wife and him not getting to see Courtney grow up. It just isn't right to me, I am NOT any more deserving than he is. I had an idea of going with him - and I'm able to make it work, just not immediately. Within 6 months Courtney and I will be able to move out where he is working. I told him when he got home that I will do all I can to cut expenses until we are able to move out there. Even that, we own a house here, we can't just get rid of it - but I don't have to have a house out there, I don't have to have a Tahoe out there...I just have to have my husband by me at night. An apartment, one less vehicle, fewer amenities - anything is worth not having this be our permanent situation. We can't do it ALL all of the time. So, to keep my hopes up and myself up, I will make this a temporary situation. In the mean time, I am now beginning to understand the sacrifices a man makes for his wife and children and understanding even more why God put them in that role and not women.