Deep thoughts...... ( SNL for us old people)

O.K. here we go, yet again you get to read babbling from me "The Paul" as the guys call me on the job. It has been a weird few months for me. I have had some of lowest times of my life in the last few months, I really think God has had a target on my head, and has been using a baseball bat to drive some things in. It is no secret that i am a stubborn pain and don't like to be beat by ANYTHING. In fact i have prided myself on being able to say "i just flat don't get beat". I have found two huge problems with that....... first being "pride", it IS the devils work. My pride has pushed me down so many roads that i had no business on, you wouldn't believe it. The second problem was me never getting beat, now if its a car, a problem with a house, a workout in the gym, something like that, i rarely, if ever get beat. But when it comes to life and my walk with God, i have never been beaten so bad in my life(and that's saying a lot, refer to the pride thing, it has delivered me some good beatings). Lately i have done everything in my power to get my life straight, but every door was backed by a brick wall. I started to come unglued. It seemed i was getting knocked to my knees every day. After some good bible studies with the guys, a great connection group, and the council of some incredible Godly men (one wishes he worked in "The Office", one works on "muscles that are connected to ligaments that are connected to bones", and one works on marriages, and the last of course is my Dad) i started to realize that my knees were EXACTLY where i belonged, surrendering everything to God. I am living proof, start at the top, and the rest seems to fall in line. I came home today to an amazing thing. My wife did something just for me. Normally, to get excitement out of me you would need to place race car parts or something of that nature in front of me. But today way very different. Annie Got me one of those awesome small bibles. I just recently started to read the new testament from the beginning, and really wanted one. It was on the counter when i walked in and i was really and truly excited. At that moment i realized. life is on a new road, it is smoother, wider, and the fellow travelers are happy, considerate, and ready to help at any time. Never would anyone believe that i would be as excited about getting a bible as some race car parts (that doesn't mean that they aren't still on the list, so feel free if you have any to give), but it has happened. This weekend in church the message was "God always wins" and i tell you from the heart, if you are struggling, let it go. Give it to him, let him be your shield and your filter. His power and love are real. Fathers who have children know the love, i was blessed with two fathers who stepped up for me. My Dad who married my mom with my sister and I as a package deal (I personally had a huge hand to driving my dad to god looking for answers i am pretty sure, i was a pain), for that i cant even say thank you, but what i can say thank you for is standing beside me when i needed you most, love you Dad, i don't say it enough. The second of course is God OUR father, and this father knows everything, even the stuff we didn't get caught for(that's a scary thought). He has stood by me and waited patiently for me till recently... again refer to the baseball bat note from earlier. But i have surrendered my life to him, and i can tell you his shoulders are much bigger than mine and he can carry more than i can alone. I couldn't be where i am now without all of you, my wife who is my driving force and my purpose, my mom who is my bible encyclopedia and patiently puts up with my "what ifs" and "where is this" calls, my sister who puts up with my constant relationship advise and always tries to tell me thank you without telling me where i can go hehehe, my brothers who have made sure to listen to the "do as i say not as i did" , Blaine who has been my little side kick and is always ready to make me laugh, our friends who deal with me having something to say probably way toooo much, and to my spiritual mentors for giving me straight true Godly advise and guidance. I love you all very much and am probably boring all of you by now, but i want to say thank you to all of you. My relationship with God and my peace is a result of every one of you.